at peace

Hello all,
I was sitting quietly trying to hear if i was missing something, then a verse someone wrote me the other day came into my head, i think the Lord placed it there, "Be still and know that I am God."As i thought, i thought....ok, i'm still...i know you are God....now what? Then i thought, BE STILL. Be still in that we can be still (stay here) and know that God is God and he doesn't need Bloorview to make Ayla walk again...He is the mighty one. He doesn't need us to put hope in some institution for her to walk again...He just needs us to put our hope in him. I know he uses those things as tools for him but i have just been searching and getting so confused, this feels clear to me...and right. I know it may sound too "literal" to some...but in my heart and head i truly felt that was what it was supposed to mean in that moment and Ryan does too. So we finally felt at peace.
It's just so hard when you think you have it all figured out and then something happens that makes you go "was I even listening at all??? I thought I was..."

The other day i called the Social worker at Bloorview. She and our PT had mentioned it would be good to get Ayla assessed by a different PT, just to compare notes. So i spoke to the Social Worker and asked if she could set this up, she's going to try. I think that with this, it will give us more info on if she needs more therapy or if 3 times a week is sufficient (with me doing stuff at home). That said, if all she needs is more therapy then we are going to see if somehow we can either pay for more at John Mcgivney center for children (if OHIP won't cover) or find someone to do it in home (a few people/organizations came to mind that might be able to help.) I called and left a message with our PT to see what she thought. If it's possible for us to pay for more therapy there or maybe a student/unlicensed PT would be able to do it there or in home. These are just some things that came to mind recently.
Also, this put me at peace as well. I thought of this yesterday too. I remembered how miserable she was a few months ago...even a month ago. All days were bad, with maybe a few short minutes of fun and happiness. Now...she's happy most days with a few minutes of "being 2." I thought God had taken away my happy little girl...instead he put her right back. I can't take that away again...b/c what if she doesn't get it back? She finally has a DESIRE to do things; like walk and ride bikes. I was waiting so long for the desire to come back...which i thought it never would. But it is...
So wouldn't now that she's happy and is desiring to be mobile again, she progress more quickly?? Anyways, i could be way off...but this has been my thought process.
If God decides to open or close more doors for us, then we'll take it as it comes. I'm tired of the rollercoaster but if it's what He wants...it's what He wants. I guess I shouldn't ever be surprised that i dont have it all figured out.

Just in the last few days since all this happened. She has improved, in my eyes, even more. It used to be a fight to get her to walk 5 steps, yesterday i bet she walked around 100, With her magic legs and us rocking her back and forth for balance (she's not strong enough to do the weight shift). SHE FINALLY HAS A DESIRE TO WALK AGAIN...SO I DON'T THINK IT WILL BE LONG. SHE'S A PRETTY "GOAL ORIENTED" (STRONG WILLED) LITTLE GIRL:) Even after the 100 steps, she wanted to put on Ezra's roller skates and skate around the driveway...so we did. We did about 3 laps and then i was too tired to hold her up anymore without a break:) Then we went in the back yard to play and she was sitting playing with a toy and she called "mom, stand up play!" So i grabbed her hands and she lifted herself up and i braced her and she stood and played for a good 5 minutes (which is very long for someone who didn't even have her magic legs on and had already done so much)! Then she took a break and did it again. The last few days she wants to walk more than she has since November. Her PT's major worry was that if she's only getting a few minutes of standing/walking time per day, she can't build up her muscles, well i think she is now...she can even stand straight up and hold all of her weight with no magic legs. Today she wanted me to let go of her so she could walk...she's not that far yet where she won't fall, but just that she actually wants to do it! It is so amazing. I feel like God is showing us...something pretty awesome.

Anyways, that's the update for this past week.